Whips
by Iba
Summary: It isn't until you come to a spiritual understanding of who you are - not necessarily a religious feeling, but deep down, the spirit within - that you can begin to take control.


Clair was on a mission to rescue a baby Dratini, which was kidnapped by a pirate. He was no ordinary pirate, though. He was a pirate made out of horse. A menacing horse pirate.

As she did this, Morty and Eusine strolled inside her gym. They were giggling while fanning themselves since they found it to be pretty hot in here.

"Now I wonder where she keeps them," Morty said as he looked up and down while Eusine was digging through stuff. "Wait, what were we looking for? Shampoo?"

"No, man, it was… what makes you think shampoo?"

"My legs are itchy." Morty paused. He just thought of something amazing. "Dude, what if you needed shampoo for everything? Shampoo for your legs, shampoo for your arms, shampoo for your back, shampoo for your BACK, SHAMPOO FOR YOUR FEET!" Morty had no idea why he started yelling. He was just a little high.

"HOLD UP, SHUT UP, I THINK I FOUND THEM!" Eusine yelled back as he opened a door and hit the lightswitch. He gasped.

He found the whips.

It's been two weeks since Morty and Eusine were trying to break into Clair's stash of whips she received over the years from Sabrina the teenage witch of Kanto. As they were smoking one night, they had a deep conversation about how sad it was for a registered sex offender to never make it as their dream of running a daycare, which somehow turned into a theory about how Clair was into some pretty kinky shit. Clair knew the two little assholes were trying to get into her gym, but today was a whole new world. do do do do do

"Oh, sweet." Morty walked in with a glass of water. When asked where he got it, Morty seriously had no idea.

Anyway, there were whips everywhere. All over on the walls. Each one were a different color. It was like Legoland, but instead with whips!

"Mother of GOD," Eusine exclaimed, picking out a blue one because it reminded him of Suicune. "THAT HOARDING BITCH!"

He cracked the whip and he and Morty were laughing like two little whores. Then he did it again, and they laughed for five minutes.

Morty tried to crack his own whip, but he sucked at it.

"Eusine, mine's broken!" he whined, tossing the whip to the side and grabbing another. While Eusine was messing with his own whip, Morty smacked his whip against Eusine's ass.

"HOLY SHIT!" Eusine dropped his whip, which dropped all the way across the room. "Holy god, MORTY, THAT WAS SO PAINFUL." He whipped Morty back with another whip, and his only instinct was to whip him back. This resulted in a twenty minute whipping war accompanied by nonstop cursing.

The room became a mess, and Eusine and Morty were covered in blood when they suddenly heard someone trying to enter the gym. They screamed like little girls and hid behind a giant cactus.

When Clair busted down the door, she had her Dratini tucked under her armpit. She sniffed the air and smelled blood. THC-filled blood to be precise.

"I KNOW YOU TWO ARE IN HERE!" Clair screamed, cracking her personal whip. Eusine and Morty shivered. "OH YES, THERE WILL BE BLOOD!"

"Dude, Eusine, what are we going to do?" Morty cried.

Eusine looked down at their whips. Those were their only hope. Of course, they were training those last twenty minutes for this moment. It was simply… their destiny. They had the power that's inside. They had nothing to lose, right? Well, you know, except their lives.

Morty watched as Eusine made a sign of the cross as he prayed to Mother, "For mother, volcano bakemeat." He grabbed Morty by the hand, and they stood up.

And so they met with Clair as they were all surrounded by lava.

It was a fight to the death.

"Eusine, I've been thinking," Morty said as they had a staredown with Clair. He wished he had a joint. "If we die here, does that mean we're not getting a proper burial?"

Eusine peered at Morty. "What?"

"I mean, hell, even my marijuana plant had a proper burial, dude. It just. Died. In its own pot. I like, took the plant, buried it within its own dirt and everything. I even put flowers on it."

"Morty… Morty. Just… shut up," Eusine said. "We're not going to lose! Because…" Eusine ripped his clothes off, revealing his Suicune speedo. "WE HAVE THE POWER OF SUICUNE BY OUR SIDE! MORTY, QUICK, TAKE OFF YOUR CLOTHES!"

"I'm not wearing anything underneath."

"Oh."

Clair whipped at them. "SHUT YOUR TRAPS! I SAW WHAT YOU DID! MY GYM'S A MESS!" She whipped again. It was time to fight. Eusine and Morty attempted their first attack, but Clair grabbed their whips with hers, tossing them into the lava.

"DUDE, WHAT THE FUCK?" Eusine shouted after witnessing this bullshittery.

"EUSINE!" Morty screamed, running to Eusine's bosom. "WE'RE GOING TO BE DEAD!"

Clair cracked her whip, swung it around, and wrapped it around the two of them. Morty and Eusine were tied up back to back so hard Morty could feel Eusine's silky buttcheeks. They both were so hot.

They bid farewell to each other, not knowing what will happen to them. Clair walked up to them and started kicking the shit out of them until they became unconscious.

When they woke up, they found themselves on foreign soil. They were, in fact at Castelia City. More specifically, in the gym. After observing the clowns and honey walls, they wondered if they were in hell. But then they were greeted by the biggest gay clown they've ever met.

"HEEELLLLLOOOO!" Burgh said, who was in the middle of painting his nails. "Welcome to my gym! I painted a mural of you two!"

The other two just noticed after Burgh said that. He did indeed paint a picture of them. Two heads, which looked like Morty and Eusine's, were in separate jars of honey on top of a prepared table…

"I'd like to call it abstract~" Burgh explained. Morty and Eusine were honestly a bit creeped out. Burgh felt the tension in the air and told them to make themselves at home. Soon enough, everyone had a joint in their hand and were having a blast. Little did Eusine and Morty knew while gossiping about gym leaders was that Burgh was going to have the best stoners for dinner, honey and all.


End file.
